Fun with headlines

You know things are bad when i have to resort to taking the piss of news headlines just to fill up a bit of space here ;)

1. EU will send monitors to Georgia
Monitors are being packed as we speak (EU declared officially stupider than George Bush):

2. Bolivia’s president lands in Iran
… setting a new world record for longest flight by a human shot out of a canon.

3. Nasa ‘reviews shuttle shelf-life’
Following review the “shelf life” found to be a blue moldy hang sangwich. Nasa sacks Polish shuttle cleaners.

4. California tackles ‘cactus crime’
That’s what happens when you don’t keep a close eye on cacti. They get into drugs, prostitution and organised crime. Pricks!

5. Climbing stairs can prolong life
Descending stairs, especially head first can have the opposite effect.

6. Belfast ‘lion’ search scaled down
… scaled down by about 20% which is the approximate size of a big dog. Pfft. Lion me arse!

7. Drugs worth €10000 seized in Ballina
To be fair, what else is there to do in Ballina but get absolutely off your tits on drugs?

Leave a comment


  1. When I lived with my parents I used to climb stairs everyday. They live on the fifth floor of a big building and I always refused to use the elevator.
    I don’t know how many thousands times I climbed those stairs, but I can reckon I lenghtened my life by some months :-)

    Do you think that pushing drugs is the only thing to do in Ballina?
    Well, when I was in Ballina, some years ago, I picked up a guy that was hitchhiking. He told me that he wanted to get out of there because the place sucks and the weather sucks and the food sucks… He told me he had one thousand reasons to flee that place ;-)

  2. Well I live in Ballina and I think it’s a great place.We even had Glenda Gilson here last night opening a new shoe shop for the wimmin and she’s grand so she is.As for the drugs trade,you can get them anywhere nowadays,Ballina is no different in that respect.

  3. John Joe, of course I didn’t mean enything against Ballina. I had dinner twice at Murphys Bros restaurant and enjoyed a lot around the town. I was there several times and I like it. People are great and friendly.
    I was just reporting what that guy told me about the place.
    But you know, the green is always greener on the other side, and nobody sees the good of the place where they live, while all other places seem definitely better.

  4. Fair enough then,but I would say the weather is spectacularly bad all summer so the place does not look its best.

  5. In my opinion, Mayo is one of the most beautiful counties in Ireland.
    Maybe you don’t know it, but I’m Italian and live in Italy and I only go to Ireland for holidays. And do you know where I feel like home the most? Yeah, in county Mayo!
    Maybe the weather isn’t that friendly and the landscape suffers from this situation, but I can assure you that I like it all the same.
    I visited Achill Island, Céide Fields and the Murrisk many times and almost always with rain or bad weather, but I have good memories of those days :-)
    I use to say that rain or bad weather is peculiar of Ireland and it wouldn’t be wonderful without them.

  6. Sorry for slow reply lads, been up to my eyes!

    Nah, I was only slagging Ballina. I’ve only passed through the place but one of my friends is from there and never has anything nice to say about the place.

    As for Mayo … probably my favourite couty in Ireland (apart from my own). Love the rough wild rural areas, out near the Ceide fields are a good example. Spectacular views!!

    John Joe
    Welcome to the site!
    Too true, you can probably get drugs in every town & village in Ireland.