Melting ice caps and all that stuff

Would you believe with all this talk over the years and especially in recent times about the Greenhouse effect, climate change, melting ice caps and all that stuff I have never given it even a minutes thought.

“After all who will suffer?” thought I (note: that thought only took 4 seconds), “a few fucking polar bears?” (a further 3 seconds) “like those fuckers on Lost”. “How the fuck did polar bears end up on that island anyway? … the Hydra? WTF?” … mind wanders and so ends any thoughts I have had on that particular issue.

But I decided to actually give it more thought and the first thing I considered was what would happen if the ice melted i.e. would the water levels rise? Surely if the ice is floating then the melting ice won’t make a bit of difference to the sea levels. Ya think the way some people were talking we’d have to move to the top of Carrantuohill to avoid flooding.
But IS the ice floating or is there something under the ice?

The following are the most common suggestions as to what could be under the ice; either supporting the ice i.e. land, or just something generally half interesting:

1. body infesting chest exploding spider alien babies. Hopefully! You never know!
2. Saddam’s nukes, well they ain’t in Iraq.
3. green land … wouldn’t that be a surprise? “No there fucking isn’t!” says the ghosts of the ancient Scandinavian settlers who had the misfortune of trying to grow spuds in the snow. “Green land my hole!”
4. “Time bomb ticks under ice” according the Oakland Tribune … now I find that highly unlikely. A time bomb? Seriously? Talk about far fetched!
5. land … like in 3 above though probably not green
6. already melted ice

As plausible as all those suggestions are (bar no.4) only two are close, 5 or 6 depending on which ice pack your talking about.
The north pole is covered by a floating ice pack … floating i.e. no land underneath. So beneath it is nothing but a pile of very cold fish, crabs and other swimmers and crawlers.

As for the Greenland ice sheet … according to Ohio State Uni “our dream is to create this new image of what Greenland would look like, were the ice sheets stripped away.” So they invented the Global Ice Sheet Mapping Orbiter (GISMO … oh people, FFS c’mon!!) and their resulting scan below shows that the land is all multicoloured and covered in streaky features:

Of course if the ice would just fucking melt already we’d know for sure!

So what does this mean for future? On the downside a rise in waters is likely cos of the Greenland ice caps which is bad news for some but there’s SFA we can do about it at this stage anyway so fuck John Gormley and his carbon efficiency car tax hike bullshit, it’ll make no difference whatsoever … but on the positive we’ll have a new multicoloured land for care bears to live on and procreate in peace. Hooray!

p.s. yeah I know there’s more ice at the bottom of the planet, but that will drip down if it melts … obviously, gravity!! Hello!?!

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